My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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