Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
