Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
