Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
