An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
