Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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