I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
