Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
