Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
