Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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