I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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