I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
