I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
