so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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