so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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