Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
