so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Randomize
