she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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