i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
