She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
