I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
