I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
