It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
