I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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