There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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