We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am naked and annoyed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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