Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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