your thong is hanging out like whoa
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
