My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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