The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
honey bunches of taint.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
