you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
