I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
