Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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