I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
