Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
