I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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