so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
