tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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