You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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