I cannot find my penis.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
