My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
