i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize