If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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