I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
