I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
