Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
