I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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