her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
