it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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