Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
