Say something about gay babies.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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