"it" just moved
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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