Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
