He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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