I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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