Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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