is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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