Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
