Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
