I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
