Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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