she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
