come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
