she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
