I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize