I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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