I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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