Pants 0. Shit 1.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
