I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
