Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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