I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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