I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
