The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Did I show you my penis last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
