forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
