I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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