i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
