the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
