did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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