Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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